What’s in my head…

Have you ever been in a situation when you thought things are getting better, life was pretty filled with blooming flowers after long months of grey winter and you’re just starting to feel better and more confident of your surroundings and then suddenly, you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck – again? It hurts to get back up after falling for the second time over the same mistake, done by the same person. You will definitely feel cheated, betrayed, hurt, but what can you do? Especially if that person is the closest to you. The only way to severe everything if the person is dead but it is not only wrong to wish that that person is dead, it is already wrong to even think it.

I wish everything can be like how it was when I was 5-years old. A cheerful little kid with naught a care of the world.

Now, even though I’m not 50 years old, I feel like I’m one. I feel ancient. I belong in the museum. I need a long rest like a mummy. Every day I drag myself out of bed, feeling so heavy I might as well be entombed. Maybe if I was then my mind will stop thinking of all these betrayals and my heart will stop feeling all this sorrow.

Smile. It’s easier to plaster a smile on my face, but sadly a smile hardly reaches my eyes these days.

I feel like running away, in an open field, with strong winds blowing me forward and the smell of autumn filling the air.

Responsibility sucks.

* Photos courtesy of Google